Letter to your Loved Ones

Dear Loved Ones,

My name is Caroline and I’m one of the owners of Climbing the Seven Summits. While I facilitate mountaineers and their dreams, I am not a climber myself. Rather, I’m the wife of one, the little sister of another, and a mother. I am one of you and I share the same anxieties and the same mix of emotions. The true excitement as the person you love achieves their precious goal balanced equally with the dread and stress when they are in high, potentially hazardous places.

This climb is not possible without your support, which can often go unsung and unseen. I want to sing it, and remind you to sing it for yourself in those harder moments. I want to offer you my support and also give you some tips that have helped me on this wild, mixed journey as I cheer from the lowlands..

Personally I have found consolation/help in:

  • Keeping busy during summit days. It is easy to clear the decks and hang off every hour, waiting for news they’ve topped out, but I’ve found when I clock-watch, my anxiety really peaks and gets the best of me. I’ve been much calmer (& happier) when I go about my daily life or fill my days. Trust me, you’ll get word when they hit the top!
  • I don’t consume too much ‘mountain news’ and I’m wary of social media which has a tendency to be very sensationalist and often wildly inaccurate as reports filtering out of the mountains can be a game of chinese whispers. Don’t rely on secondary sources, rely on CTSS and your loved one to give you accurate updates. Expect those updates to be few and far between, and only every few days because they will be focused primarily on the task at hand.
  • In fact, I try to switch off entirely and live by the adage of ‘no news, is good news’ which in very real terms, is true in the mountains. If you don’t hear from your loved one they are most likely fully engaged and focused on their climb. If they aren’t calling or texting you, they are moving, or eating or sleeping, which are all the things they need to be doing to stay safe and be successful. By the time they crawl into the tent at the end of a long day, most people fall asleep within minutes. It’s not that they don’t care, it’s that they are entirely consumed by their climb.It’s also good to keep in mind that the cold temperatures in the mountains have a knack for draining a phone or camera battery in literally minutes, when exposed and used in the cold. Usually Guides will advise your loved ones to use their devices very sparingly to conserve batteries. The same applies to the Guide radios and satellite phones. Batteries are closely guarded so they are at full capacity should there be an emergency. Guides carry redundancy but won’t use them outside of emergencies. People often carry small solar charging devices, but remember some consistent cloud cover and a cold battery may mean you don’t hear from your person for a few days at a time and that’s very normal. When you do, conversations are usually short and can leave you feeling wanting. Try not to take those all to brief, to the point check ins personally.
  • If your person is wearing a spot tracker, understand it can be a bit like your car navigation, and go a bit off course sometimes. It can also be really frightening if you see your loved ones’ spot far off the route or suddenly disappear or stop moving. Remember the above, batteries zap in the cold, and when the battery is flat the device stops transmitting and the trail goes cold, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything bad has happened. Spots are great for peace of mind (when they work correctly), but they aren’t foolproof.
  • This is rare, but if I can swing it, I will often go to Base Camp/trekking with my loved one or join them on any non-climber/family and friends trips or even do an introductory mountaineering course myself. I’ve spent 2x full seasons at Everest Base Camp doing exactly that. Being front row can help get a first hand understanding of what goes into the sport or an expedition. When you know how something works and you can see with your own eye; the safety systems, the team, the route, you become familiar with it, it takes the mystery out of it. When you can conceptualize accurately from home and understand the process, I have found it feels less scary.
  • It has taken me a while, but I have learnt that when I understand and accept the goal that my mountaineer holds dear, and I give them support in pursuing it, they do so with more confidence and commitment. I know it is hard when your heart just wants them to stay safe at home, but when I separate my own fears for them - still acknowledging and communicating those feelings but stopping at the point where my fears paralyze my loved one from doing what they really choose to do - I have found they lean in, with focus and wholeheartedness. Those are the climbers who move with confidence and with purpose, which makes them more successful.They train with more gusto, because they have your blessing. Confidence translates to safety in the mountains. It is the hesitation, the mental flip flop of ‘should I, or should I not be here’, that can distract a climber. Mountaineering is a pursuit where climbers need to focused and sure, to be safe.
  • Help them take the pressure of the summit. Of course the summit is the goal but too often people get caught up in that one tiny part of their overall expedition. Climbers often build it up so much that when conditions conspire to prevent them getting there, it sends them into a shame spiral and they feel they’ve failed. When you remind your loved one to enjoy the journey, and that the purpose is not just the top, but to experience the act of climbing in and of itself, then they release that pressure off themselves. They are more likely to make conservative decisions and less likely to get “summit fever” and push themselves beyond safety margins. They will also enjoy each day and each step along the way, and gain more from the experience.
  • Finally, take joy in the transformation your loved one is undergoing. Having witnessed it hundreds upon hundreds of times, mountaineering has the power to fundamentally change people into better versions of themselves. It humbles, it builds self esteem and self worth in real and tangible ways. It brings confidence, commitment and drive. It helps people to know themselves. It is a wonderful thing to watch the person you love evolve and progress. Hopefully we get the upside of that evolution at home too!

Thank you for dealing with the endless mountain orientated conversations, the hours and hours of training that has separated you and interrupted your home life and waylaid every sleep in, every weekend plan, every lazy coffee. Thank you for putting up with the vast distances, the lack of communication, the extra workload at home. Thank you for always holding down the fort.

Thank you for sitting with the fear, the discomfort, the anxiety, the not knowing but releasing your heart to allow them to chase their dreams. Thank you for all the sacrifices you’ve made to be the rock.

It is challenging, but know that your support is incredibly important and doesn’t go unnoticed by your loved one and those around you.

Know that all the accolades that await your person, and the validation that comes from their time in the mountains – those lofty summits at sunrise – they also belong to you. You did it together.

We are here to support your climber but also you. If you need anything from us don’t hesitate to reach out.

Cheers,
Caroline